Kellan is a mess...

Kellan is a mess. I mean in every way….an utter and complete mess! If he’s not whining, he’s crying and the whole time, he is talking….usually in Japanese…and always very, VERY LOUDLY. Poor thing, he’s not big enough to keep up with Jolon and not baby-cute enough to compete with sweet, Esme. Well, actually that’s not true, because despite the tears and tantrums, he is absolutely adorable. He has the fattest bum and chubbiest legs. He’s gotten taller, but he still looks like such a baby. His skin is so white and with his light hair and the tufts of curls behind both ears and a new curl cropping up on the crown of his head, he almost looks angelic at times. Almost. He really is a lot of work, but he’s getting better at controlling himself. The whining voice for example: all we have to do now is ask him to say it in a nice voice and he’ll repeat what he said in a nice tone. He’s getting a little better at using his “house voice,” though it does seem very hard for him to say anything without yelling. And when he gets in trouble, he’ll usually say TIME OUT, before we do. Like last night when he got bored at the end of the meal and dumped his milk on top of his head…..or when he kicked the swing yesterday while Esme was in it. He didn’t kick it very hard, but he immediately knew he was in for a long time out when he looked up and saw my face. Like most toddlers, he’s adamant about what he does and doesn’t want to wear, in particularly shoes. So on days like this morning for instance, when it’s raining and he wants to wear his Thomas the train shoes instead of his boots, Jan and Jolon know to just wait patiently by the elevator while I try to coax and cajole him into wearing the boots. Sometimes that works, and if it doesn’t then I’ll force the boots on him and pass him out howling to Jan who will hold on to him until something else distracts him. At night I’ll go in with Kellan first and read some books or tell him a story and then Jan will come a bit later with Jolon. I’ll leave and Jan will sing some songs until Kellan is asleep. In the past week though Jan has been trying to leave with both of them awake. He’s reporting some progress, but it may be a long road. I tried it over the weekend for the afternoon nap and after 20 minutes, I sent Jolon to the computer by himself and it then took me an hour to then get Kellan asleep. I was exhausted and very, very frustrated. So for the next few weeks Jan is completely in charge of their sleeping routine.

Despite all of the work, Kellan is the one who is making us laugh the most these days. And best of all, he’ll still give me a sugar kiss any time I ask for it.

Photo session

This is a sampler of one of Jolon's first goes at using our big camera.

Jolon is a great big brother

The boys haven't actually held Esme yet, but they both love to sit and rub her head, pull her toes, or sometimes just stare at her and laugh at her hiccups.

Sometimes Kellan just wants to wear his apron and bandanna

and so the wrestling begins.....

Make a Smilebox photobook

Esme is home

Jan brought the boys back from the park around 6:30 last night. They ran in, washed their hands and then laid down on the floor beside her and rubbed her head, pulled her toys, checked out her new toys (musical cat, soft rabbits, etc.), stuck their fingers in her mouth to feel her sucking. They seem most fascinated with her umbilical cord, which of course is black and pretty nasty-looking. She sat with us for awhile during dinner, which Erin came over to cook, and then went right back to sleep on the floor while the boys bathed, got dressed pajamas on, fought over which books to read before bed. She stirred around 10:15 and then I moved into our bedroom to nurse her. Kellan was acting perfectly normal and seemed to be genuinely happy to see Esme. As I was putting him to bed last night though he did say, "Mommy, kaeru no?" which means, "Are you going home, Mommy?" meaning the hospital of course. I assured him that Esme and I were staying here and that we'd all have breakfast together. This morning, while I was holding her on the sofa, Kellan fell down and hurt his arm. He ran to me and told me he wanted me to hold him and pointed to my lap where Esme was. I explained I couldn't right now but suggested he go to Jan who would pick him up. After a pause, he decided that would be ok.

Boys announcing the birth at school

On Sunday afternoon when Jolon and Kellan came to visit me, we called Ibuki and Mari to let them know the news. Both boys were able to say "aka-chan umaretta," (the baby was born) on the phone. Jolon told Ibuki that it was a girl and I think even told her the name. Kellan told Mari it was a boy.

Monday was a big day at school for the boys as they were called up in front of their classes while everyone clapped and cheered at the announcement of their new baby sister, and then they were interviewed.

Ibuki asked Jolon: Has the name been decided?
Jolon: yeah
I: What's the name?
J: Well....she has one, but I don't know what it is......I forgot.
He also said he hadn't met her yet (which he had of course). And he knew her name, but Ibuki speculated that because for the past 2 weeks everyone has constantly been asking him if the baby was here, that when the moment finally came for him to formally announce it, he just got too embarrassed.

Kellan got up in front of his class and when the questions started, he just turned his head in embarrassment and wouldn't say anything.....until suddenly he pulled his shorts down, pointed to his underwear and very proudly explained that he was wearing "onichan no pants," his big brother's underwear. In his class we're asked to send girls panties for the boys because if they poo their pants, it's less likely to fall out of tight, little panties than loose briefs. Apparently the washing isn't getting done at home (no judgment, Jan) and Kellan didn't have any clean panties so Jan just sent Kellan in some of Jolon's underwear. The funny thing is that Jan didn't mention it or make any kind of a big deal about it, because Kellan, prone at this age to randomly decide he doesn't want to wear something, might have thrown a massive fit. Much better not to mention something like that and hope he either doesn't notice or doesn't mind. Interesting that he did notice, liked the underwear...so much so that he wanted to show and tell his whole class about it.


So many of the Moms in both of the boys classes wrote lovely messages to us in the newsletter, sent me cell phone messages, and a couple even came by the hospital. Both of Jolon's teachers and all 3 of Kellan's came by on Monday night around 7:00 after a long day at work to ask after me, meet Esme, and take lots of pictures. I was so touched.

Esme is here! Kellan's reaction

When both boys saw her for the first time, they were very sweet with her, softly patting her toes, hands, and head. And within about two minutes they were jumping on the bed in my room asking where the cookies were that I promised would be here when they arrived.

Jan of course has been taking care of them the past few nights and he thinks Kellan is having quite a time processing what is going on.

Last night he reached up and tried to latch on to Jan's nipple, asking for "milky time."

When Jan was putting him to bed on Sunday night, Kellan reached up to Jan's face, rubbed it and said, "It's Mommy." I'm usually the one who puts Kellan down to bed first and then Jan brings Jolon later and stays around until they are nearly asleep.

And he's calling the hospital, "Mommy's new house." Jan picked them up from school and when they arrived at home instead of here, Kellan got very upset, insisting he wanted to go to Mommy's new house.

I know it's a big adjustment for him and that he'll be fine, but when Jan told me these things, I just started crying.

Jolon latest

Jolon is going through a really easy stage for us. He goes to bed extremely well. After bath and books, he'll go to the toilet, and then get on Jan's back (the donkey) to be carried off to his tatami room, where he sleeps on his little futon (or more often than not, by the morning, straight on the tatami). He wants one of us to stay with him for a couple of minutes and then will often tell us it's ok for us to go. He rarely pees the bed these days, but rather will wake up at 3 or 4 and will come to us. Usually he'll go to the toilet by himself instead of one of us having to walk with him there, and then he'll come back and get in bed with us. Although the past couple of nights, he's gone back to his own room.

He likes to aggravate and tease Kellan, and will softly kick or tap him when he gets fed up with him, but he never gets too aggressive and tries to hurt him. He's much better at doing things when we ask (brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc.). He's very gentle and will often come up and feel the baby or ask me if the baby is moving. In fact we went to a party this weekend with some Japanese friends from hoikuen and Yura's Mom told me that of all of Yura's friends, Jolon, is by far the gentlest with Koto, her one year old. He'll run up to her as she's picking up Yura from school, and instead of pinching her cheeks like the other kids, Jolon will softly rub them. I was happy to hear that of course, but pointed out that it was probably because we had been so strict with Jolon when Kellan was born.

His Japanese seems to be very good and we seldom hear that he's having any difficulty understanding things at school. He has some very good friends and seems to get on well with everyone, girls and boys, although he does fight with his boy friends as well. Ibuki hasn't indicated that the fighting is out of control, and I think it's typical 4 year old boy play. Ibuki has said that he is doing quite a bit of "fuzakeru" (goofing off/making his friends laugh at him when he should be listening) at school, especially during the morning meeting while she explains the day's activities and when they sing songs, which he doesn't know all the words to and/or just doesn't enjoy singing very much. She wonders if it's not due to anxiety about the baby, but I think it's just Jolon being Jolon.

Kellan latest

These days I take Kellan to bed about 8:30 and lie down with him, rub his back, try and help him settle on the futon in the tatami room. About 9:00 Jan comes in with Jolon and I'll leave. Jan then sings a song and lately has been leaving the room even before Kellan is asleep. Jolon is fine on his own, but Kellan is still resisting Jan leaving before he's completely out. He often will say he's scared of ghosts, or just generally cry because he wants Jan to stay. But the past few nights, Jan has had a bit more success leaving them on their own. Kellan will often wake up in the middle of the night and one of us will will have to pat him back down.

For the past month or so, Kellan has been wearing diapers only at night. As long as we remember to take him to the toilet, he'll go, and more and more he'll tell us if he needs to go, especially if he has to poo. In the mornings as soon as he gets up, one of us will take him to the toilet and sometimes his diaper is completely dry. He'll pee a lot and then do a poo first thing, and it is so nice not having to change those smelly diapers every morning....especially with my ultra sensitive pregnant nose.

He is really speaking so much more, using new words, making complete sentences, and perfectly copying things that one of us has just said. For example, I was playing with Jolon, handing him something he didn't want over and over, while he kept saying, "I don't want that one." I did it to Kellan and he said the same thing, "I don't want that one." Funny to hear him make a complete sentence and say it so clearly. I guess we are constantly asking him, "Why?" when he does things, so he is constantly saying, "Why?" back to us in the cutest little voice when we ask him to do something.
This morning he actually said, "because I don't like it," when I asked him why he wasn't eating his cherries at breakfast.

He can really throw a tantrum and is so determined about certain things. It's hard not to give in to him because he definitely has the willpower to outlast us. For instance, he insists on taking off his pajamas before breakfast and getting dressed, which we don't like because he spills everything on himself and then a whole outfit has to go straight in the washing machine. This is one battle we've decided not to fight. Instead we keep talking up how to eat slowly and properly without dropping his food. No luck there and we're not expecting improvement anytime soon as we look at Jolon who is still an extremely messy eater. Kellan loves to choose his shoes and if he chooses a pair that he can't wear to school, such as his crocs or a pair with laces, we all cringe, because convincing him to wear another pair is exhausting. Lots of tears and pleading; it's tough. The worst tantrum he's ever had was a few weeks ago. It was an all out battle of wills between him and Jan, and although we wondered at the time if this wasn't the very beginning of the terrible twos, turns out nothing has compared to this one and in fact I think he's gotten a bit better. It started when Jan picked him up to put him in the bath tub and he apparently wasn't ready to get in the water yet. He wailed and wailed about it till finally Jan quickly washed him and set him back over the edge of the big tub onto the tiles. Jan then stepped out picked up a towel and told Kellan that the bath was finally over and to get out. Kellan, still furious, then refused to step off the tiles onto the rug and get dried off. He decided he wanted Jan to pick him up. Jan, who had just put up with a screaming child for 10 minutes in the bath, told him that he had to get out by himself. "NO, Daddy hold you." (hold me). Jan left him crying and walked away, leaving Kellan in the bathroom alone. High-pitched screaming for 5 minutes. Jan goes back and tells Kellan just to step onto the rug and he'll pick him up. Kellan refuses to move, insists he wants Jan to go in and get him. Jan leaves again. returns and the same conversation happens. I go in and Kellan tries to get me to pick him up, but determined not to give in to him, I explain again that if he'll just step out, just one step out, we'll hold him and dry him off. Keeps crying and refuses to budge. After about 20 minutes of this, Jan and I both go in and try and convince him to come out. He's exhausted at this point and finally barely gives in by putting his hands on the rug but keeping his feet on the tiles. We urge him to keep coming, and finally in defeat, he slowly steps out. Poor thing, it was awful, but it really felt like for us to give in would have sent the wrong message, because he initially threw such a fit for a ridiculous reason.

Anyway, as I said, he is better, and I'm sure his ability to communicate more is one of the reasons. Jan's motto when he starts to whine and cry about something, is to sternly say, "Kellan, don't cry," and this works pretty well these days.

Kellan still doesn't like fruit very much but loves corn and steamed broccoli with ponzu. We squeeze orange or grapefruit juice almost every morning because he won't eat the pieces, but even getting him to drink the fresh squeezed juice is a chore. He must be going through a growth spurt at the moment because he has definitely eaten considerably more than Jolon (and myself) this week. And he's heavy! My little doll bird is getting taller too, losing a little of his baby fat, although I think he still looks like such a baby in his face.